Due to (lack of) popular demand, I’ve reset the comment feature on my blog. Previously, one had to fill in a form, choose a password, and await a registration email from my website. I haven’t done too well in the comment department; I’ve had three in total. The first was back in May — which I faked. The second was in June and was spam — I deleted it. The third was just a few days ago, an automatic notice of my shortlisting for “best post” by the editors at www.postoftheweek.com. I was flattered that I was shortlisted for this contest, although I’ll admit I asked two friends to nominate me and wrote the email for one of them. I mistakingly deleted this comment.

I wonder if Pink Floyd was thinking of internet passwords when they wrote that 1979 song:

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
I’ll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?

Personally, I hate it when websites make me fill in a form and choose a password. I’m too paranoid to use the same password twice so I have dozens of passwords — all slight variations of the one before.

I chose my very first internet password back in 1995. It was a bright, sunny day and almost lunchtime. I was setting up a hotmail account. Hotmail asked me for a password. I chose “hotdog747.” I figured I would remember “hot” because of “hotmail.” And I would remember “dog” because of “hot” and because I was hungry. I chose “747” because that was the first three digits of my phone number at the time.

Eventually, I was on a different site and the next inevitable request for a password came along. So I chose a slightly different password: “hotdogboeing.” “Boeing” was my brain’s logical leap from “747.” I figured I was being clever, since I didn’t want any one entity to potentially have access to all my accounts. But then the next password request came along, and “hotdogboeing” became “hotassboink.” And then one day “hotassboink” became “lickass69.” “Lickass69” eventually became “lickasswhenim” and so on and so on. “Whenim” — by the way — was a mental leap from “69″ and a tribute to that Beatles song, although I realize I’m off by five years. It’s also probably more of a logical leap than a mental leap, because unfortunately it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be licking much ass “when I’m 69″ — or even “whenim 64″ for that matter.

As my website memberships grew, so did my password variations. This was not helped by the fact that hotmail requires you change your password every now and then, so three months after I chose that first password, “hotdog747” became “cooldog747” — and so on, and so on.

My password collection was a lot larger when I had a real career. I worked at JP Morgan, and despite being one of the biggest banks in the world — or perhaps because of that — they could not figure out the basics. Between their password requirements and all the research websites I visited, I probably had over twenty-five passwords. I guess the bank figured all these passwords kept things secure. Little did they realize that I — and most of my peers — kept “post-its” on our computers with the password details.

Today, I’ve got no idea today what 95 percent of my passwords are. But luckily all I truly need to remember is one. Hotmail is the key to my universe — my holy grail. If I forget it, I am doomed, because I spend 17% of my time on the internet resetting my passwords and picking up the new ones in my hotmail inbox. I keep a reminder of my hotmail password in a safety deposit box. Now, if I can only remember where I keep the key.

So coming back to making comments, you don’t need a password anymore. Under the new system all you need to do is:

1. Enter a user name (a fake one is OK).
2. Enter an email address (it won’t be shown publicly and besides, what’s to stop you from using your friend’s email?).
3. Enter a comment!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 7th, 2007 at 10:31 am and is filed under My personal favorites, Writing. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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