12 percent of all visitors to my website arrive via Google. These visitors end up on my website not because they know me, or were told about my site, but because they typed something into Google and somewhere in the results, my site popped up. So what have people been googling that brings them to my website? For the most part: information on penises.

One of the amusing things about having a website is analyzing its visitor data. There is all sorts of nifty information I can glean about my visitors: pages visited, traffic sources and keyword search terms to name a few. For instance, in the last two weeks, there have been over four hundred visits to my website. Granted, many of those visits were my own — I really do enjoy my own writing. Total visits fall to 272 once I strip out my own narcissistic tendencies. And before any of you ask, I’ll admit that my mother accounted for 16 of the remainder. So we’re down to 256.

Obviously there is a difference between visits and visitors because, believe it or not, some people do come to my website more than once. Tallying distinct visitors reveals I’ve had 154 unique individuals come to my website in the last two weeks — excluding me and mom. These 154 visitors spent an average of 11 minutes each on my website. Now, I’m certainly not complaining about these numbers. 154 is better than nothing. I’m glad I can provide those of you who are bored — and perhaps taking a break at work — with some form of entertainment during your busy day. I don’t at all regret giving up my former career. If you like, perhaps after I finish writing this blog I could mow your lawn or take out your trash? (more…)

So I picked up my bookmarks from the printer yesterday and on my way home I decided to try my luck at the Chapters at John and Richmond. I had dinner plans, but I had an hour to spare. I also had a thousand bookmarks in my man-bag. I figured I had enough time to hand out a couple of hundred. I ended up staying for ninety minutes and handing out only twenty-five. It’s amazing how quickly one’s confidence can falter in the face of adversity. When I arrived at the store, I was glowing with excitement at the thought of giving away my brand new bookmarks and building up my website audience. My spine was ramrod straight and my lips turned up in an easy smile. Within minutes though, I had become a piece of gum on the side of the street. A piece of gum with one thousand bookmarks that nobody wants.

My plan was to stand outside Chapters and hand out bookmarks to people twenty-five years of age and over, who were leaving the store and who were carrying newly purchased books. Seems easy enough, doesn’t it? I handed out two bookmarks within two minutes of arriving. But then I realized it was just beginner’s luck. I got three rejections in quick succession. “No?” I thought, “Who wouldn’t want a free bookmark?” I was puzzled. Was it the way I was dressed? Did I look homeless? I thought I looked alright, but perhaps I should have shaved.

My fortune continued to deteriorate. People were not making eye contact. Book buyers were not interested in whatever they thought I was peddling. The other problem, I soon realized, was that few people actually seemed to be carrying books as they left the store. Maybe one-in-ten at best. Of those one-in-ten, maybe one-in-four was willing to taking my bookmark. My shoulders started to curl.

My mood was not helped by a trio of attractive women who were sitting at a nearby café. They kept glancing over at me, at least in my imagination. I no longer felt like a successful man embarking on a new path in my life. Rather I felt like the schmuck that I imagined they thought I was.

I also realized that I had made a huge strategic error in choosing this particular Chapters. (more…)

I changed my website host yesterday from Globat to InMotion. I was given a year of free hosting with Globat, when I first set up my website. The speed to load my site though has been annoyingly slow. Inmotion is highly regarded in the industry, and the impovement in speed is dramatic.

Unfortunately, in the process of switching to my new host, I’ve lost all my emails. So if you have sent me an email — particularly a complimentary one — feel free to resend it. I’m building up a database of emails which I may ultimately show to publishers to demonstrate interest in my book. They also make me feel good.

I´ve been reading 1001 ways to Market your Books, a 700-page tome by John Kremer. The name speaks for itself. It has loads of interesting ideas, and I´m constantly picking through it.

The author describes the importance of handing out your business card at every opportunity. He tells the story of one realtor who sold a house because he enclosed his card each month in his electric bill.

There are all sorts of schemes that writers use to get noticed. I´ve got a few ideas of my own: this website, my video – filming date set for next Wednesday, magazine article submission, and even – gulp, perhaps – stand-up comedy. I´m going to Yuk Yuk´s this evening to check out amateur night.

The other day when I was walking by the train station I noticed several women handing out flyers for a bank, promoting its higher interest rates. This got me thinking. It´s not a terrible idea but I figure most recipients would lose or toss these flyers out. So what could I do, that might draw future readers to my website? And then it hit me, bookmarks.

If you walk out of Chapters, brand-new book in hand, and somebody was to hand you a shiny new bookmark, would you toss it out? I don´t think so – you´d put it in the book. And if that bookmark happened to contain information about my blog and book, do you think you might visit it? Perhaps. And if the person handing out the bookmarks was well dressed and not a complete schmoe – i.e. the author himself? I´ll be hitting the bookshops this weekend to see what happens.

Oh - and my bookmark is not this wide. That’s the front and back.

I just checked out the website of a friend of mine, Tanya Kaps. She is filming a documentary called The Making of Being, which explores the connection between the yoga boom and the emergence of what some see as a global shift of consciousness.

Tanya is one of the most passionate, inspirational people I know. You cannot be in her presence – be it taking one of her yoga classes or simply having a cup of coffee – and walk away without a smile on your face. Here is a person, who not knowing a thing about film making, decided a little over a year ago that she wanted to make a movie on this topic. She´s already shot over twenty-five hours of footage with luminaries like Buddhist leader and Nobel Peace Prize nominated, Thich Naht Hahn as well as yoga instructors Sharon Gannon, David Life and Shiva Rae.

It´s now crunch time and she´s asking for $300,000 to get her project to the next level. The old “finance guy” in me can´t comment on the investment potential of this project, but it would be a great opportunity for an organization or individual to align itself with a very positive human being and the burgeoning yoga movement. We’ve seen surfing movies, skiing movies, snowboarding movies, weightlifting movies but I’m not aware of any yoga movies — yet. Contact her at: themakingofbeing@gmail.com

There is obviously something seriously wrong with my brain. Today, I saw some pictures of young, party girls that are auditioning for my video. My director, Mark, had placed an ad on craigslist and was forwarding their resumes for my feedback.

If I´m to be completely honest, the truth is that as I looked at the pictures, the very first thought that passed through my brain was, “mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmmmmm!”

There´s nothing wrong with making a video and in the process getting myself a hot twenty-five year old girlfriend, is there? Let´s not forget that I´m recently divorced. I´m supposed to be “in pain.” Even the most ardent polygamist would allow me two-to-three years to pull myself together before society requires that I get married again. Take it easy . . . relax . . . have some fun.

Then I looked at the advertisement Mark had put up on Craigslist. He had written it himself.

As I read the ad, I felt – a little – disheartened. The words “laughing at him” and “older guy trying to fit in” left a hollow feeling in my chest. So much for my twenty-five year old girlfriend … (more…)

While I got a couple of emails calling me a cheap bastard, my craigslist ad to find a director for my video paid off. I got about ten bids in all. I ended up choosing a kid by the name of Mark Tytler. He’s twenty-two years old and passionate about what he does. I really liked his resume. Not only is he a recent graduate of the Toronto Film School, but he’s also worked at PizzaHut since March 2005.

Mark hasn’t been the easiest guy to get ahold of, but if all goes well I think I’m going to have an amazing video. He certainly has a very impressive demo reel. He’s gotten me a bar location and some hot young girls – all well-within my budget. Given that my initial plan was to go with this home-made video, I am feeling extremely optimistic.

The last few weeks I´ve been suffering a general feeling of lethargy. I´ve felt sluggish … tired … slow. I´ve experienced headaches. My work has been affected. I haven´t been submitting nearly as many magazine articles as I´d originally planned to.

I immediately assumed it was the smoking. I´ve never been a big smoker. I used to average one smoke every couple of months – and only at parties – when somebody handed me a joint. Don´t get me wrong. I always enjoyed that joint. I can´t say I´ve ever had a bad experience. Well, that´s if I exclude the time a friend got his hands on the brownie batter that my amah was mixing ahead of a party. I spent most of that evening alone in the bright, luminescent kitchen chugging water before breaking up with my girlfriend because she reminded me of those plastic, toy birds that perpetually bob into a glass of water.

But since I´ve moved into my apartment in April, this has all changed. I don´t know if it´s the fact that everybody around me seems to partake in it, or if it´s just me looking to play the role of writer, but for the first – no, second time in my life, I´ve had my own stash. (The first time was actually back in Hong Kong some while back, but that´s a different story).

I´ve enjoyed having my own stash here in Toronto. I´ve only smoked in the evening – most evenings. A few puffs before I headed out to a party and a few puffs before dinner. It certainly helped my appetite. But then a few weeks ago, I started to wonder if all this smoking was affecting my next day´s productivity. I wasn´t writing as much as I planned – and I was putting on a bit of weight from all those late night Twinkies.

So I cut back to virtually nothing. It wasn´t a difficult decision; I was almost out of pot anyways. I´m too much of a geek to buy my own drugs, and I haven´t seen the friend who gave me the first stash in ages. So I stopped smoking. But while I may have felt less lethargic from my sudden abstinence, the headaches did not go away. If anything, they got worse.

And then about a week ago, it hit me. You know how after you suffer food poisoning, you are always 100 percent certain of what caused it? It was the chewy chicken or it was the smelly fish. You always know – because the sight or smell of that particular item revolts you for months, even years afterwards.

Well, I woke up about a week ago and I suddenly knew exactly what the offending ingestible was. (more…)